avocado_love

1) Write original novel.
2) Send original novel to as many agents as I can google.
3) Receive countless rejection letters because, knowing me, my novel will be chock full 'o gay porn.
4) Self-publish original novel.
5) Create an iPhone/Droid app in which to give away the original novel.
6) Create a free website (perhaps on fourtunecity.com) to advertise my novel, complete with author "bio".
7) Call myself a published writer. Put it on business cards.
8) PROFIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!




:P

DEAR M NIGHT SHAYMALANAYDINGDONG.

AS A VERY CONCERNED CITIZEN OF THE INTERNETS, I WAS DISMAYED BY THE FACT THAT YOU, IN YOUR MISGUIDED, FAN-HATING WAYS, CUT THE VERY BEST OF SEASON 1 OUT OF THE MOVIE AND KEPT ALL OF THE SHIT. BY WHICH, I MEAN, THERE WAS NO JET.

BECAUSE MY OPINION CLEARLY MATTERS, AND I HAVE A BLOG, I AM DEMANDING THAT YOU RECTIFY THIS SITUATION IN YOUR HORRIBLE FAIL OF A NEXT MOVIE. THAT WAY IT WILL BE THE ONLY THING WORTH WATCHING.

THROUGH A LIFETIME OF CHEAP-ASS SCHOOL FIELD TRIPS AND LITERALLY NO OTHER ENTERTAINMENT IN THE AREA (except for the annual County Frog Jump Jubilee, which is awesome!), I HAVE TAKEN THE LIBERTY OF SCOUTING OUT THE IDEAL LOCATION FOR SHOOTING.

THE CALAVERAS BIG TREES STATE PARK.







IF YOU HAD BOTHERED TO EVER WATCH THE SHOW (WHICH I DOUBT!!!!!!111!!!!111!!!!!) YOU WOULD KNOW THAT JET AND HIS BAND OF MERRY LOST BOYS LIVED IN A VAST NETWORK OF TREES.

NOW I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING -- THE TREES DEPICTED IN THE SHOW WERE CLEARLY DECIDUOUS, WITH BROAD LEAVES. AND THESE ARE GIANT SEQUOIAS  WHICH ARE CONIFERS. WELL, MR DINGDONG, YOU ALSO HAD THE CHARACTER AANG PRONOUNCED AS OONG, SO I'M CLEARLY RIGHT AND YOU'RE WRONG.



I EXPECT YOU TO TAKE THIS INTO SERIOUS CONSIDERATION, SIR. I AM A PROMINENT MEMBER OF FANDOM WHO HAS WRITTEN OVER ten (10) FAN FICTIONS IN THE AVATAR CATEGORY. AND AT LEAST THREE UNFINISHED CROSSOVERS.

THANK YOU.

PS. ALSO IF YOU WOULD PLEASE CAST JOHN STEWART AS THE LEAD ROLE OF JET, AND BRING BACK THE CHARACTER ZHAO SO HE AND AASIF MANDVI COULD PLAY OFF EACH OTHER, THAT WOULD BE GREAT. AND JUSTIN BEIBER FOR LONGSHOT SMELLERBEE.

... Oh Dunkin Donuts Vanilla-flavored coffee. You're my dearest friend. *purr*

I have read all five Codex Alera books (and have promised myself only to read the last one that's coming out on Tuesday once I finish my NaNo) and they are excellent. I totally ship Tavi/Kitai like crazy.

And now, thanks to beckyh2112 crazy smut meme I also ship Max/Zuko.

... Oh c'mon! It would be hot!

And speaking of stuff I'm procrastinating on instead of doing NaNo, check out these really great fanfictions!

This one is by Stingmon. The Madness of Dawn. And yes, I totally did help beta it, but that's not why I'm recommending it! The whole story is poetry in motion... It's a really chilling Jet/Zuko friendship piece that's perfect for reading in dark winter nights.

The second one is Embers by Vathara. It was recc'ed to be before, but silly me I didn't read it. OMG. It's an AU starting season 2 where Zuko learns how to heal with fire. His adventures with Iroh in the Earth Kingdom are mostly origanal from the series from there, up to and including Ba Sing Se. It's such an engaging read. I highly recommend it! (Plus, the author totally subscribes to the 'Firebenders need the sun to live' theory. Haha).

... that if Zuko was a dragonrider in Pern, his dragon would be called Honorath? TRUFAX.

And Aang's would be called Appath.

*Yawn* Well tomorrow is my sunday, which blows. But my dad is coming down, and me and my sister are going to meet him tomorrow and go out for a movie and dinner. (Me and dad have no idea what movie or where we're going to eat. We're both incapable of planning, and my sister loves to schedule stuff so it's up to her. I told her no chick flicks, though.)


In other news, I've been seeing these meme floating around for the past week on the flist, and I've finally broken down and given it a shot. Here goes:

1. I consider myself a practical person, but that still didn't stop me from moving to my current city a few years ago in hopes of joining a band and becoming a rock star.
2. I'm such a masculine chick that I know I probably should have been born a boy. Only I like being a woman.
3. I miss the Sierra Nevada so much it feels almost like an physical ache.
4. I'm a little proud of the fact that I graduated High School by doing exactly as much work as I needed to just to scrape by. I could have had A's if I felt like it, but I knew I could only afford a community college, so fuck it. I dicked around as much as possible and took all electives.
5. All of my family with the exception of one aunt, my parents and my sister are dead due to 1) Drug/Alcohol addiction 2) Crippling mental illness. Other than that, we're pretty healthy.
6. I have to admit -- I felt wary of the Muslim women dressed in the hijab on my team... then I befriended her and realized what an awesomely awesome chick she is. Plus, she liked talking about sex. A lot. Who knew?
7. I often put my more annoying customer's on hold and start cursing up a storm with the full knowledge my supervisor will hear every word I'm saying if he listens to the recorded call later. I'm hoping it'll make him listen to my calls less.
8. The bad part about #7 is that sometimes my supervisor makes me listen to myself. Yesterday I had to sit there and listen while I sung about yarn while the customer was listening to legal. It was horrifying.
9. I started crocheting around x-mas when I'm stressed at work. My blanket is now 4 1/2 feet by 4 1/2 feet.
10. Even though I'm an atheist, and I don't believe in a devil, I still don't like listening to Marylin Manson because he's a satanist. He freaks me out.
11. I have three fears: Volcanoes, Rabies, and Mass Transit.
12. One day I will own and ride a Ninja 250 motorcycle (in neon green). I would already have it if it weren't for this recession.
13. I worked for a year to get my Water Treatment certification, and now that I have it, aside from that one interview, no one is hiring. I know it's not my fault, but I still feel like a loser.
14. I love writing.
15. I always had a mental image of an abused woman being poor, uneducated, and neive. Then I had to wonder what the hell that made me when I stayed with the bastard for two and a half years.
16. My parents tried for four years to have me, eventually seeking a fertility doctor when nothing worked. Then they preceded to smoke pot through the pregancy. Yea, hippies!
17. I don't have any baby pictures. They were all washed down the river in the flood. I'm pretty sure I was adorable, though.
18. I am either a throwback to some genetic ancestor, or my sister is. She's blond haired, green eyed and pale skin. I'm darker skinned with dark squinty almond shaped eyes and dark brown hair. I'm sure we have the same father. We both inherited his tremors.
19. Smallest. Bladder. In. The. World. (GOTTA PEE!!!!)
20. I'm mostly sure I had a miscarriage once.
21. I don't want to buy anything big (with the exception of my cool motorcycle) because I'm getting tired of this never-ending consumerism.
22. Right now I have a huge popcorn craving. With lots of butter, and salt.
23. Sometimes all I want to do is talk about my writing or an idea about a novel or something, but no one in my real life knows I write.
24. I started listening to music when I was 17. I hated it before then. I didn't get it. Then I listened to Korn, and for the first time I felt the music speak to me.
25. I love my mom and have a great relationship with her, but my dad is the coolest, wisest, fried-out hippy ever.

Confession: Vampires gross me out.

This may be linked to the time I decided to try reading Angel/Spike as a youth and all the authors would talk about was cold semen and.... UGH.

Plus the guy who plays Edward or whatever isn't that hot. Is that just me? I seriously wouldn't give him a second look if I saw him walking down the street.

But you know who can break my news anytime?



Since when did DL Hughley become good looking? And since when did I start finding news anchors on CNN hot? Why am I suddenly feeling old? 

... that I want to be a UPS driver.

Not only do I look great in brown, but I get to not sit in a cubicle all day and ponder jamming a cheap BIC pen in my eye if I get another customer who asks me, "So, what exactly do you mean by your 'unlimited minute plan'?".

I can totally navigate, and drive, and I promise to be super perky while delivering boxes. Actually, screw UPS: I'll jump ship and work for FedEx, too.

So anyone on my flist happen to be in HR for either one of these two companies and have an opening for a community college dropout? Y/Y/Lobster?






Edit: I decided to include a picture of my future ride... For some reason, it has flames on it. If you're wondering why it has flames, it's because my UPS truck will be that awesome. Giggidy giggidy.

At work I helped an east Indian man troubleshoot his dell computer.

I found this to be very ironic.