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I haven't talked about this on my journal yet because I didn't want this to be some pity-party, but mostly because I wasn't ready to talk about it.
One of my friend's died, last week of a sudden brain aneurysm.
She was a coworker, but one of those I had been on a team with - and one of the few who I considered a friend. What can I say about Eugenia? She was someone I looked up to for the fact that she was a permanent bachlerete. She would always exclaim how she never wanted to be tied down to a man, but was too selfish for kids. Yet she never would hear a bad word spoken about someone else.
"You shouldn't say that!" she would exclaim, deeply scandalized. "You don't know that for sure."
But she wasn't totally above gossip... I have my last text message conversation with her saved in my blackberry, talking about how so-and-so got fired, and wondering who was next.
She's really the first person I know who's died. Yeah, I've had grandparents and aunts and uncle's die, but I didn't know any of them. Not really.
I try to tell myself these things, you know? Stuff to make myself feel better. Well, she went quickly. One minute she was chopping strawberries, and the next she had fallen down and that was it. Part of her lives on because her family was kind enough to donate her organs.
It's strange how none of it really helps. I can't even delude myself into thinking I'm going to see her in some magical afterlife.
All I know is that when I walk over to my sister's team to bullshit, her desk will be empty. I'll never smell the scent of her Japanese-vanilla body lotion she was constantly applying. I'll never have to fend off attempts for her to loan me a tape of her favorite movie, "For all the latin hotties," she would always say. Her and my tastes never really matched.
Damnit Eugenia, I'm going to miss you.
One of my friend's died, last week of a sudden brain aneurysm.
She was a coworker, but one of those I had been on a team with - and one of the few who I considered a friend. What can I say about Eugenia? She was someone I looked up to for the fact that she was a permanent bachlerete. She would always exclaim how she never wanted to be tied down to a man, but was too selfish for kids. Yet she never would hear a bad word spoken about someone else.
"You shouldn't say that!" she would exclaim, deeply scandalized. "You don't know that for sure."
But she wasn't totally above gossip... I have my last text message conversation with her saved in my blackberry, talking about how so-and-so got fired, and wondering who was next.
She's really the first person I know who's died. Yeah, I've had grandparents and aunts and uncle's die, but I didn't know any of them. Not really.
I try to tell myself these things, you know? Stuff to make myself feel better. Well, she went quickly. One minute she was chopping strawberries, and the next she had fallen down and that was it. Part of her lives on because her family was kind enough to donate her organs.
It's strange how none of it really helps. I can't even delude myself into thinking I'm going to see her in some magical afterlife.
All I know is that when I walk over to my sister's team to bullshit, her desk will be empty. I'll never smell the scent of her Japanese-vanilla body lotion she was constantly applying. I'll never have to fend off attempts for her to loan me a tape of her favorite movie, "For all the latin hotties," she would always say. Her and my tastes never really matched.
Damnit Eugenia, I'm going to miss you.
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And it will stay for a long time. Maybe you will dream of her, surely miss her in the next months - but the stronger feelings will go and come back only randomly. Now after nearly six years I still miss him, but I have learned to life without him.
So let your tears go, express your feelings and keep the things in mind you shared all together. Time will heal the pain in your heart, but not now and not suddenly. I am sure of that.
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I've always regarding funerals with mixed feelings, though. They're terrible, depressing events, and I never, ever know exactly what to say to the family. But it's also wonderful to see a group of people gathering to celebrate someone's life, who they all loved. This woman sounds like she was pretty awesome, too. Keep your chin up!
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*hug*
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I'm so sorry
*hug*
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